48 hours ago, Spencer somehow managed to sneak away from Dean long enough to do a quick run-down with the girls over coffee. Emily and Spencer leave the brew to see Jason get into a car WITH YET ANOTHER HAIRSTYLE and drive away while ignoring them.
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| This is going to be how we automatically tell what season it is right? Jason's hair? |
Ella is back! She shows up at the house and lectures her daughter on drinking all of the mini bar (Aria swears she didn't do it). The we get to see Dean, once again, try to get some of Spencer's pee. She tries to not do this and go see Jason, but Dean really needs Spencer's pee, and I can only assume he held her down and force fed her a pitcher of water. Spencer recounts her lack of Jason-seeing with Emily at school later, and then...Paige shows up. She tries to defend herself, but Emily is not hearing it. Look, I get the trust thing, but Paige is right. The cops may be dumb, but they need to know it's not Ali in that grave. Elsewhere, Travis blows off Hannah for a date. Just bring back Caleb, show.
Ashley Marin hates her life as Mrs. DiLaurentis proceeds to be the worst. But, she does find Ali-sized clothes in Ali's room bought only a few days prior. Somehow Mrs. D knowing about her daughter does not surprise me, because she has that serial killer look down to a T. 90's dreamboat detective shows up to tell Mrs. D her daughter may not be dead. Mrs. D says she is, but the detective tells her they are exhuming the body with or without her permission. Apparently, the coroner did not report a broken bone on the body, which Ali had. Who the fuck is the coroner in this town? I'm assuming that the body was fairly skeletonized after a year, so they really shouldn't be identifying the body by her clothes (which is how they did it right? Someone tell me if I'm wrong). You would use dental records or look for injury history. Does anyone know how to do their job in this town?
Emily finally corners Jason, who basically tells her to GTFO and leave him alone. But first, he shares a flashback where Mrs. D assumes Spencer is bullying Ali and she tells Ali not to put up with it. With a parent like this, no wonder Ali is awful. At the Montgomery household, Aria, pissed at Ezra, yells at her poor mother, the only decent parent on this show, and storms away. Look, I know you're pissed about Ezra, but your mother is one of the few people actively not harassing you. Don't burn any bridges.
Spencer won't sleep in her room because of the dirt, but also because of the serial killer that lives next door. Also, she has no idea what she did that summer. So her mom, once again, insists on not telling her. I would like to take a moment to nominate Mr. and Mrs. Hastings for worst parents ever. Has anyone sat down with you about how to deal with your daughter's illness? I mean, you got her a sober coach, which is great, but you refuse to tell Spencer the one thing that's driving her crazy because it's too tough for you to think about?!?!?! This is only making it worse. Also, Spencer should be pissed that her parents assume she murdered Ali. I get, based on her behavior, that she may have been a suspect. But not even talking to Spencer about it? That's cold. Of course, I'm fairly convinced someone in her family is involved in this whole mess, so I really shouldn't be surprised. Horrible parenting aside, I do think Spencer's mental state is a fascinating addition to the show. Other than the fact that it seems to handle it correctly, or at least with sensitivity, it fits into the theme of the show. The show is heavily influenced by Hitchcock, I mean the coffee shop is called "Rear Window". Hitchcock used psychological horror in his movies-Vertigo in particular is incredibly relevant this season-and A's torture extending to exacerbate an actual illness fits perfectly.
Back to Spencer's inability to sleep. Spencer is sleeping on the couch, so Dean tries to talk to her and Spencer actually opens up a little. He offers to read to her to put her to sleep, and of course he falls asleep on her ass. Its a little adorable. And of course, Mrs. Hastings walks in, assumes the worst, and fires him on the spot. I have seen so many of these 'caught in a compromising situation' situations that at this point I wouldn't assume anything. But once Dean finally gets to do his job other than obsessively monitoring Spencer pee, he is fired. Side note, is it me, or since the start of Elementary have there been twice as many sober companions on television? Just me?
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| How scandalous |
Over at the brew, the girls meet and who shows up but 90's dreamboat detective to threaten them about knowing Ali isn't really dead. I know that we know that the girls know more than they're letting on (yes, I just really typed that sentence) but it is absolutely hilarious that this teenaged detective and his mid-30's partner's think that these girls are basically criminal masterminds. Yes, they deal with a lot of shit, but stop treating them like your friendly, neighborhood serial killers.
Hannah gets wind of the whole clothes conundrum and signs the girls up to model wedding dresses. Because if I'm looking to buy a wedding dress, I definitely want to see it on a teenaged model. Also, Spencer or Mrs. D may kill each other. That might put a damper on the party.Spencer finally finds Jason to discuss where he (and she) has been. Who wants to take a bet on who else in these families have an addiction problem? I mean, we know Ashley likes her wine, but she is not related to Spencer and Jason (Or is she?!?). Dean shows up long enough for to say goodbye to Spencer and to inform her that Jason's rehab center...has been closed for two years. DUN DUN DUN.And of course, Travis is also working the party. A few terse words are exchanged, but he runs over a mailbox for Hannah and makes out with her while she's still in a wedding dress. Honestly, not even the weirdest start to a relationship in this town.
Spencer spies Mrs. D. making an exchange with someone in a black hoodie. The next logical step is to of course, follow him/her. So Spencer makes the fantastic decision to run into the woods after who she assumes to be Allison. 1) Has no one learned to avoid the woods in this town? Or from any movie ever? NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS THERE. 2)I can't decide if the it was entirely intentional, but symbolism of Spencer running through the woods in a wedding dress is great. Really, it operates on multiple levels. On an obvious note, Spencer in white chasing A in black represents Spencer and the Liars as a beacon of truth fighting against the evil of A.On an ironic level, wedding dresses are a symbol of innocence/virginity and we just spent the last few episodes trying to decide if Spencer killed her friend. Also, the show has done a magnificent job of rejecting the concept of innocence associated with a white wedding dress (virgin status or otherwise). The juxtaposition of this history and what we know about the characters makes this choice brilliant.
Anyways, the chase ends with her veil being caught in a bear trap. And I have so many questions about where Rosewood exists topographically. Also, Aria and her mom make up and surprise! Ella and boy whose name I've forgotten are engaged! Which means A is going to strike at her wedding? Glad we've figured out the next season finale. Hannah and Emily figure out the password to an email they found, and send it to Ali. She immediately calls and tells them to come find her in Philly. The three meet up with Spencer, who is rightly having a panic attack after the running and the bear trap, and they tear the dress off her. And what do they find? MOTHER FUCKING PHALANGES. Fuck this show.
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| This may be the creepiest thing A has ever done |
Next week: Everyone finally gets guns. I'm not the biggest fan of gun ownership, but when in Rosewood...Also, apparently Ali tells all. Do I really think this? No. However, if we could get to a place where Ali can come back, that would be fascinating. The girls have created a stronger, healthier friendship since Ali's 'death', and watching her try and re-acclimate into society would be so interesting it would make me ignore any lack of answers they may give. Which means she'll probably die for reals this time.
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